Have you ever felt the way? You know, when it makes you want to cry? It holds on inside of you and doesn't let go. Locking away your emotion so tightly that in time you forget. It happens over and over again, time after time, day after day. It keeps you from a meltdown, keeps you human in some way. Or does it? In the end that is life's reality fading away, crippled with sorrow, suppressed by one's brain, locking it away in your heart, in the deepest hole possible.
It often occurs to me to ask myself the question, although it has been answered exactly.
Are you afraid that you might drown from all the tears you've locked away?
Everyone cries... Some everyday and some only once. Have you ever every felt this way? I have cried, too much or too little I don't know. But, what I do know is that my heart holds more of myself than I have ever thought.
It's weird how an organ makes you feel things. It's weird that we all say our hearts have been shattered into millions of pieces. Isn't it weird how we all have been conditioned by little sayings that play a big part in our lives?
Do we ask ourselves these questions? No... we don't.
We are a species that feels with an organ that only pumps blood in our veins. We are human... which is man's best bullshit excuse to justify a state of mind. The brain makes the heart pump, and supposedly the soul keeps the brain from going haywire.
Could the heart be where the soul lives?
Soul... what a big word... Could this be the reason, why sometimes we feel like nothing on earth? That feeling that makes you want to weep like a two year old child that is lost. That way you look at yourself in the mirror. That specific way saying to yourself you're OK...
Even though you are not...
You feel this way because you don't want to deal with it. Run away if you must. Just call it something. It is easy to turn the other cheek. It is easy to turn around and walk away. It is easy to leave it alone and it will sort itself out.
But, is it really?
When you run away it will haunt you for the rest of your life. If you turn the other cheek you'll get hurt again and it will not stop there. When you walk away you'll never know what happened and not to mention the ache that goes with it. “Leave it alone and it will sort itself out” is as bullshit as the words itself.
How will anything be sorted out if you don't take a stand?
Standing up takes courage, patience and a whole lot of self control, we are only human... But, who of us has the courage, patience and self control to gaze in the mirror of life?
In my opinion I say go for it, lose your self and get it out. Unfortunately talking with a friend only helps for so long. A punching bag helps to get it out at that moment. But, let's be honest... does it really help?
My friends and family, and basically every heart throbbing romantic movie, says that the only cure for this heart break is one of three things or simply all of them.
One... Chocolate! And lots of it with your favourite soapy on the telly.
Two... Ice Cream! And not just one tub - two or three flavours - and while you are consuming the creamy delicious delight, you should watch Brokeback Mountain, Ps I love you, My life in ruins, Rebound and even Incendiary. Oh and don't forget the tissues!
Three... Rebound sex! Yes, my reaction as well! In my mind you are supposed to be celibate and reincarnate your soul into something pure once more. But I'm only human...ain't I? You're supposed to have sex with the first person that most intrigues you, at that moment of course. Have meaningless sex and move forward to the next... Is that a way of cleansing?
There is no cure for a broken heart they say; even the doctors say the same, they might suggest morphine and a psychiatrist. Yeah right!
A psychiatrist only helps you see and hear what you are already seeing. What good is a psychiatrist? Do they really help us gaze into the mirror of life? Don't we do that every day? Seriously, why don't we just accept it. It is too hard to accept. It is absolutely dreadful to think about, so why should we when someone else can do it for us?
Let's face it, a broken heart is the worst feeling. You run away to your favourite coffee shop or local pub in order to escape from reality. You tend to land up talking to a stranger, who offers you all the advice under the sun. But, one gets that funny feeling that there is a hidden underlining proposal in their truth.
Is this not part of being human?
A broken heart isn't supposed to be healed. It has never been broken from a realistic scientific point of view, but it does feel that it's been ripped out of your chest. It probably has been stepped upon a couple of times, bitten by wild dogs and probably glued together with more pain found on the road to happily ever after, which there isn't.
Or is there?
We are human after all!
They say that time is the only thing that “heals” the heart. It allows the stab wound and gashes to dissipate into scars and memories. It allows you to move forward to wherever you feel like going. It allows you to smile and have fun with friends once again. You know, in the past you would have died to go to that killer party, but human nature yanked the idea out of your thoughts in “order” to stay home with husband or wife.
Or did you?
With heartache comes troubled times. So much so that it makes you have second thoughts about life, about your relationship status. It keeps you in the bubble much longer than intended, which taers open the scars and batters the bruises... Heaven help us in this game of life!
Why have I not changed my Facebook profile?
In my mind you should stay where you are, keep moving forward and yes maybe practice all three cures just for the fun of it! But the best part of all in this situation is that your true friends come in your bubble and bubble away with you.
They don't judge you for one second in trying to find your Nemo... Which you won't find anyway, but they stand with you, playing Dory and the Turtles saying whoa dude! True friends are magnificient in illnesses like these. They always choose your side no matter how wrong you are. They phone everyday to hear if you are all right and how you are feeling, even if it's just a five minute call. It's worth it!
What is the conclusion?
There isn't one. Just a story to let everyone out there know that you are not alone. There's more heartache in this world than you would like to think. You are not alone!
Cure? Well... step one to three might be exciting. The real cure is having the courage, patience and a whole lot of self control to gaze into the mirror of life. Realising it's OK to cry, scream and shout and throw numerous tantrums just because you can!
We are human after all...
P.S. Don't forget to play bubbles...it's tons of fun and gives you something to laugh about when you're old and wrinckly!